Wednesday, December 24, 2008


i am SO excited about Christelmas.

i hope you all are too.

may your days be merry and bright. and may you still be filled with the wonder of Christmas.



Friday, December 19, 2008


than awesome.

i mean this is better than peanut butter and chocolate... AT! THE! SAME! TIME!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Cryptkeeper in Drag

so Kimmy posted this...

and now i have to. cause she's totally "Number-Like" and we kinda love her. a whole bunch.

so go here. and enter to win makeups. FREE makeups. we know momma love a good makeup. and if i will, i will totally share!

and Lo, if there's pink mascara.... its ALLLLLLL yours.

Friday, December 12, 2008

suds and duds

the BF (pseudonym still in progress) has decided that he wants to blog as well. the ACTUAL conversation went like this.

"I'ma need YOU to make me a blog. and I'm gonna write wittier stuff and send it to all of YOUR peeps and they are gonna love ME more than you. cause all the stuff you blog about is funny stuff about ME anyway."

ok, it was more of a statement than a conversation, because my response was a sound that sounded almost exactly like a scoff. (maybe cause it totally was!) so y'all hold your breaths for the "FUNNIER AND CLEVERER THAN CHRISTEL BLOG" cause I'm sure it's on it's way.


now, a blog about ME.

i have issues. more specifically SOAP issues. and even MORE specifically Bath and BodyWorks soap issues. they have an outlet store in both the San Marcos and Hillsboro outlet malls. and i CANNOT get out of there without spending over $50. ON SOAP! seriously people, i only take one shower a day, how much soap could i POSSIBLY need? the answer to that question is a METRIC SHIT TON. i went yesterday to the outlets in San Marcos, cause the BF had some trainings to do there and i had the day off, so why not go? i walked into the BBW store 3 minutes after they opened and left almost 30 minutes later with $76.87 worth of soap. i know better than to pretend to wander around and consider my purchases. i grab the giant shoulder bag and proceed to dump stuff in 2 and 3 at a time. i mean how do you pass up luscious Vanilla Bean Noel lotion for $6 when it's normally $11? and it smells like cookies. COOKIES, PEOPLE!

now don't misunderstand, i didn't spend all that money on just soap for me. i bought christelmas gifties too. but still, $77 on soap? issues. seriously. but i smell real damned delicious. my new favorite smell is the Jasmine Vanilla. it smells like Allie's house. and that is one place I'd really like to be. at allie's house, there is nail polish and coffee and Allie. and NONE of those things suck.

so. anyone know of a 12 step program for this soap thing? if so, lemme know. otherwise I'll be in the tub.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

global warming

have you seen the Lewis Black stand up skit where he was talking about it being so cold you can't finish a sentence?

(NSFW... he drops the F bomb A LOT)

it's THAT cold today.

there was sleet last night and the BF was deluded in thinking that it was snow. his logic was, "it's frozen precipitation that's white and sticking to the ground, then it's snow." yeah i know. boys have flawed logic, but YOU try to tell them that. cause if it makes noise when it hits the porch, it ain't snow. i heard that there was SOME snow that fell, but WE didn't see it.

i know, snow isn't so amazing. but the fact that it was 81 degrees at lunch yesterday makes it a little more outrageous. "welcome to Texas. if you don't like the weather, wait five minutes, it'll change"

the point of my story is this. i want to NOT be at work, but snuggled up by a fireplace with hot rum drinks and mashed potatoes. if any of you can make that happen for me, i will totally tell Santa to take you off the Naughty List.

Monday, December 8, 2008


always an adventure. that is our motto. it's been mine for years. add to that a BF who gets into all sorts of mishaps, and it's like a mantra now.

even something as simple as a late night food run, becomes an adventure.

we left his house in the sticks around 9pm. we flipped a coin between Sonic at 17 miles away or Jack in the Box at 16 miles away. not lying. Jack won.

now i don't live in the sticks. i live in the city. i don't see well in the dark and add to that not having a DAMNED clue where i was going, and we are already off to a good start. after many "your other lefts" and "NO TURN THERE!" and "baby, watch the speed limit cause it goes from 50 to 35 back to 60" we finally arrived at Jack. we opted to eat inside since we drove 7 hours to get there. when we got to the front, there was a girl chatting with 2 of the girls behind the counter. we took our time deciding what sort of fat girls we were going to be, so we were able to hear parts of the conversation in the interim. lots of "he said... she said" lots of "why you gotta get all up in my bidness" and as we were ordering it got even MORE heated and a fight was about to erupt. the girls took their drama to the back and we were able to order without someone getting yanked over the counter by her hair.

we ordered a metric fuckton of fat girl food and during our wait we were able to soak in our surroundings. mind you it was BALLS cold on Saturday night. there was a woman in there with no shoes or socks or jacket on. she looked pretty rough and was there with her crackhead boyfriend. and you could tell there was anger between them as they were leaving and she shot back some snide remark at him as she was walking out the door. there was a quiet hispanic family on the other side of the restaurant and us. we could STILL hear the girls fighting in the back of the kitchen and decided to take our food to go. while we were still waiting, another group of people came in. two guys and one girl. they were the oddest combination of people. and it was as if they were told, "dress nicely, but wear the STUPIDEST shoes you own" i am NOT lying. one guy was a buck-ten, soaking wet and was wearing a button down shirt, brownish tie, blazer, brown slacks, and dirty brown chuck taylor low tops. the other guy was wearing a blue button down with black slacks and black and white checkered skate punk shoes. BUT WAIT. the girl was the BEST! she was in a lovely lacy calf length black dress with a brown leather floor length leather (?) coat with a sheepskin lining and a fur collar. not sure exactly what KIND of fur, but fur. and for her footwear.... leather moccasin slippers with a fur lining as well. we think the fur may have been squirrel or perhaps chipmunk. they were HIDEOUS. we referred to her as Pocahontas.

in addition to all of the excitement, the restaurant had a thermostat set for "Flash Freeze" and it was entirely too cold. i thought about borrowing Pocahontas's coat.

we took our 11 pounds of artery clogging, ass fattening food, bid the jack farewell, and then drove back to the house.
of course with more, "honey, just let him pass you on the other sides" and "watch out for the drunk swerving guy" and a couple of "dang ole potholes, man"

we made it safely home. still an adventure. but not without amusement. never is.

Friday, December 5, 2008

One Third

i want to thank all of you who called and texted and emailed and facebooked me to wish me Happy Birthday! i had to charge my phone twice on Wednesday because you people blew me up. but i loved EVERY second of it. it's always a fun game with me and the BF when we hear our Blackberries start vibrating and guess to see whose it is and typically it's his cause he's so popular! but wednesday.... WEDNESDAY... it was ALL ME BABY! WOOOOOOOOOOOO

here are some pictures from the 12 Days of Christel!

flowers from my honey on Saturday night. he arranged them in a photo box all by hisownself.

me and Ang with yet ANOTHER one of the Thelma and Louise shots we've been doing for 17 or so years!

THOSE guys. Brothers and Boyfriends....

then on my ACTUAL birthday i got this! THIS! that my honey commissioned and designed. isn't he a peach?
yeah. it's PIRATEY!

look how fantastic it looks ON my bed!
it's fleece on the under side too. way ass cozy!

and then i went to dinner at Ang's. the Rottens made me a sign! (if you look closely you can see that the B in Birthday looks like boobies!)

and then a White trash cake too! (it's a little perverse looking too. i LOVE IT!)

and pirate flips!

and swirly earrings.

i'm a spoiled loved girl. thank you all again for the love!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

reprinted from '04

...there was a woman, who really really wanted children. Finally after 6 miscarriages she was finally going to carry a baby to term. She knew from the moment she conceived that it was going to be a girl. She called her Christel, even though her husband really wanted a boy and called it Bozo. But she was convinced beyond a doubt it would be a girl.

The pregnancy went along fine and mommie-to-be was happy as could be. The baby was not in a hurry to join the world. The pregnancy was 3 weeks past due and she was miserable. She and hubby had done everything to hurry the delivery along to no avail. Then one night he comes in all excited that his friend, Eddie, has tickets to a San Antonio Spurs basketball game. She was not excited, what if she goes into labor and he’s in the middle of a basketball game? This was before the age of cell phones. Anyway she said she guessed he could go so long as his friend’s wife, Carolyn, would “baby”sit her. Carolyn agreed and off the guys go to watch the Spurs.

She and Carolyn played some cards. About 8:00 she couldn’t get comfortable, her lower back was bothering her. So they stopped sitting in uncomfortable chairs and went in the other room to watch some TV. Carolyn said that she might be in labor, but she said she wasn’t in pain, just uncomfortable. Finally about midnight the fellas arrived home. Needless to say, you can’t go to a Spurs game and not drink beer, so they were a little tipsy and a lot tired. On the way home, Hubby asked if she wanted to go to the hospital, it was on the way home. She had already been to the hospital once with “false” labor and didn’t want to do that again. She said, “No I’m not having any pains, let’s just go home and go to sleep”, which they did… for a while anyway.

About 1:00, her water broke. She tried to wake Hubby up, but he wasn’t having any of it. When she finally convinced him that it was time to go he got in an all-out hurry. Meanwhile, she was putting on a little make-up, after all this is a big day and she wanted to look her best. Hubby was antsy and was trying to rush her out the door. Once they arrived at the hospital it was all excitement. But her labor was slow, slow, slow. Hubby was asleep (or maybe passed out) in a chair. Contractions were fast so the doctor started the epidural. Then her contractions stopped. They started her on a pitocin drip only to find out there was a hole in the tubing and most of the pitocin was in a puddle on the floor. Hubby woke up occasionally to see how she was doing; basically he was not much help. Finally her contractions started again, she was completely dilated and they told her it was time to push. She was pushing well, but, wait, they realized she was not fully dilated to they told her to stop pushing.

Now it really was time. They took her to the delivery room -by now it is about 4:30 the next afternoon. The epidural had worn off, so they did a spinal. She was exhausted and wanted to give up. The only thing that kept her pushing was that she really, really wanted to know if the baby had red hair. A very tuned-in nurse kept coaxing her to push by saying “we can almost see her, I think her hair is red, but push one more time so I can be sure”.

Finally, after much pushing and then use of the “salad forks”, Christel was born. At 5:02 December 3, 1975. Waiting anxiously for that first cry and did Christel ever cry, holler was more like it. She was totally worn out, and now she was numb from her toes to her throat, she had no energy to even cough. When they brought Christel to her to hold, she started crying, scared to death she would drop her. But the nurse helped her and she didn’t drop her.

She was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. And she came from her, you see she was adopted and this was the first person in the world she was really related to. She couldn’t stop crying, tears of joy, and exhaustion, and excitement, and more joy. It was almost too much emotion to handle. Then they took Christel to the nursery and finished up with her. After she spent 3 hours in recovery she was finally allowed to go to the nursery to see her brand new daughter. And guess what that little girl was doing when she saw her the first time---she was up on her elbows looking around at the world in amazement.

And guess what, she still looks at the world in amazement and with a sense of awe. Today she is 33 years old. She is the light of my life, my first and best treasure. I love her more than she will ever know. She has grown into a beautiful, witty, caring, sensitive, smart, loving woman. She is all she every hoped for, and more.

Happy Birthday, Baby.

Love, The Mommie.

Tasty and Allie made me do it.

i was almost named Carisa after a street in Dallas that my mom used to go make out with boys on. but she remembered it wrong and i am now Christel.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? a few weeks ago. it was Grey's that made me do it.



5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? do cats count? if not, then yes. i claim Angela's for spoiling purposes.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? you're fucking kidding me, right?

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? see also #6.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? all stock parts

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? is there bacon at the bottom?

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? honey nut cheerios

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? unless you've found a flip flop with laces... then NO.


13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Baskin Robbins Peppermint

14. WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? if they are listening when i speak to them. "hi what can i do for you?" the answer is NOT, "fine, thank you"

15. RED OR PINK? both.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? physically? my lack of strong jawline. non-physically? i'm OVERLY critical of people.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? right now? my Mimi. i have seen SO much stuff that she would love for Christelmas.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? well, since its on my blog, why not just go ahead and post it up on yours?


20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? leftovers. i made spinach and cheese ravioli with grilled chicken and sauteed mushrooms. mmmmmmm

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? stupid work muzak


23. FAVORITE SMELLS? clean boys. my mom. eggnog.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? my ultra cute boyfriend.



27. HAIR COLOR? brown. and natural. for once in a LONG time.

28. EYE COLOR? big blue!

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yeah, about that...

30. FAVORITE FOODS? Carbohydrates? (stacey's answer is too freaking good)


32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Quantum of Solace. if anyone wants to put Daniel Craig in my stocking, i wouldn't object.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? black. i'm at work. i don't NORMALLY dress like Johnny Cash.

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? summer. it's BASEBALL season!

35. HUGS OR KISSES? bof'em

36. FAVORITE DESSERT? cheesecake



39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING RIGHT NOW? i am re-reading the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. all 5 books in the trilogy.


41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? i watched 27 Dresses.

42. FAVORITE SOUND? laughter. ESPECIALLY the Rottens'

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? stones. always.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? i guess when i lived in London, England. but there are days knowing my mom is in SC and that seems like across the world too.

45. ANY NEW NEWS IN YOUR LIFE? i am so stupid, giddy, happy, moronically in love that it's not even funny

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? oddly enough in the SAME hospital in San Antonio as Alliepants.

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Lola's. hers are always funnier than mine.

48. WHAT TIME IS IT NOW? 5:13 pm

Monday, December 1, 2008

we've got spirit, yes we do

don't know if you've seen it yet, or not, but the new wal-mart commercial with the check out lights TOTALLY got me into the holiday spirit.

i mean like jumped RIGHT up and bit me squarely on the ass. i am SO excited about this holiday. usually i dont get excited until a week before, but i even bought a christmas CD at Kohl's the other day cause A: all the proceeds go to Kohl's Cares for Kids and B: because it has Winter Wonderland by Jason Mraz and C: I HAVE THE FLIPPIN' CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!

i walked a little slower past the trees at the store to smell them. i want to bake all night long. i want to wrap presents already. i am SO ready for Christelmas.

gotta pace myself, cause it's not even my birthday yet.