i would like to re-route you from the funny here....
to land you HERE.
i built myself a new home for the bloggerton. "it's all growns up and all growns up and all growns up"
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
HAPPY MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!
i am SO excited about Christelmas.
i hope you all are too.
may your days be merry and bright. and may you still be filled with the wonder of Christmas.
love,
~christel
i hope you all are too.
may your days be merry and bright. and may you still be filled with the wonder of Christmas.
love,
~christel
Friday, December 19, 2008
THIS... IS MORE AWESOMER
than awesome.
i mean this is better than peanut butter and chocolate... AT! THE! SAME! TIME!
i mean this is better than peanut butter and chocolate... AT! THE! SAME! TIME!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Cryptkeeper in Drag
Friday, December 12, 2008
suds and duds
the BF (pseudonym still in progress) has decided that he wants to blog as well. the ACTUAL conversation went like this.
"I'ma need YOU to make me a blog. and I'm gonna write wittier stuff and send it to all of YOUR peeps and they are gonna love ME more than you. cause all the stuff you blog about is funny stuff about ME anyway."
ok, it was more of a statement than a conversation, because my response was a sound that sounded almost exactly like a scoff. (maybe cause it totally was!) so y'all hold your breaths for the "FUNNIER AND CLEVERER THAN CHRISTEL BLOG" cause I'm sure it's on it's way.
[scoff]
now, a blog about ME.
i have issues. more specifically SOAP issues. and even MORE specifically Bath and BodyWorks soap issues. they have an outlet store in both the San Marcos and Hillsboro outlet malls. and i CANNOT get out of there without spending over $50. ON SOAP! seriously people, i only take one shower a day, how much soap could i POSSIBLY need? the answer to that question is a METRIC SHIT TON. i went yesterday to the outlets in San Marcos, cause the BF had some trainings to do there and i had the day off, so why not go? i walked into the BBW store 3 minutes after they opened and left almost 30 minutes later with $76.87 worth of soap. i know better than to pretend to wander around and consider my purchases. i grab the giant shoulder bag and proceed to dump stuff in 2 and 3 at a time. i mean how do you pass up luscious Vanilla Bean Noel lotion for $6 when it's normally $11? and it smells like cookies. COOKIES, PEOPLE!
now don't misunderstand, i didn't spend all that money on just soap for me. i bought christelmas gifties too. but still, $77 on soap? issues. seriously. but i smell real damned delicious. my new favorite smell is the Jasmine Vanilla. it smells like Allie's house. and that is one place I'd really like to be. at allie's house, there is nail polish and coffee and Allie. and NONE of those things suck.
so. anyone know of a 12 step program for this soap thing? if so, lemme know. otherwise I'll be in the tub.
"I'ma need YOU to make me a blog. and I'm gonna write wittier stuff and send it to all of YOUR peeps and they are gonna love ME more than you. cause all the stuff you blog about is funny stuff about ME anyway."
ok, it was more of a statement than a conversation, because my response was a sound that sounded almost exactly like a scoff. (maybe cause it totally was!) so y'all hold your breaths for the "FUNNIER AND CLEVERER THAN CHRISTEL BLOG" cause I'm sure it's on it's way.
[scoff]
now, a blog about ME.
i have issues. more specifically SOAP issues. and even MORE specifically Bath and BodyWorks soap issues. they have an outlet store in both the San Marcos and Hillsboro outlet malls. and i CANNOT get out of there without spending over $50. ON SOAP! seriously people, i only take one shower a day, how much soap could i POSSIBLY need? the answer to that question is a METRIC SHIT TON. i went yesterday to the outlets in San Marcos, cause the BF had some trainings to do there and i had the day off, so why not go? i walked into the BBW store 3 minutes after they opened and left almost 30 minutes later with $76.87 worth of soap. i know better than to pretend to wander around and consider my purchases. i grab the giant shoulder bag and proceed to dump stuff in 2 and 3 at a time. i mean how do you pass up luscious Vanilla Bean Noel lotion for $6 when it's normally $11? and it smells like cookies. COOKIES, PEOPLE!
now don't misunderstand, i didn't spend all that money on just soap for me. i bought christelmas gifties too. but still, $77 on soap? issues. seriously. but i smell real damned delicious. my new favorite smell is the Jasmine Vanilla. it smells like Allie's house. and that is one place I'd really like to be. at allie's house, there is nail polish and coffee and Allie. and NONE of those things suck.
so. anyone know of a 12 step program for this soap thing? if so, lemme know. otherwise I'll be in the tub.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
global warming
have you seen the Lewis Black stand up skit where he was talking about it being so cold you can't finish a sentence?
(NSFW... he drops the F bomb A LOT)
it's THAT cold today.
there was sleet last night and the BF was deluded in thinking that it was snow. his logic was, "it's frozen precipitation that's white and sticking to the ground, then it's snow." yeah i know. boys have flawed logic, but YOU try to tell them that. cause if it makes noise when it hits the porch, it ain't snow. i heard that there was SOME snow that fell, but WE didn't see it.
i know, snow isn't so amazing. but the fact that it was 81 degrees at lunch yesterday makes it a little more outrageous. "welcome to Texas. if you don't like the weather, wait five minutes, it'll change"
the point of my story is this. i want to NOT be at work, but snuggled up by a fireplace with hot rum drinks and mashed potatoes. if any of you can make that happen for me, i will totally tell Santa to take you off the Naughty List.
(NSFW... he drops the F bomb A LOT)
it's THAT cold today.
there was sleet last night and the BF was deluded in thinking that it was snow. his logic was, "it's frozen precipitation that's white and sticking to the ground, then it's snow." yeah i know. boys have flawed logic, but YOU try to tell them that. cause if it makes noise when it hits the porch, it ain't snow. i heard that there was SOME snow that fell, but WE didn't see it.
i know, snow isn't so amazing. but the fact that it was 81 degrees at lunch yesterday makes it a little more outrageous. "welcome to Texas. if you don't like the weather, wait five minutes, it'll change"
the point of my story is this. i want to NOT be at work, but snuggled up by a fireplace with hot rum drinks and mashed potatoes. if any of you can make that happen for me, i will totally tell Santa to take you off the Naughty List.
Monday, December 8, 2008
always
always an adventure. that is our motto. it's been mine for years. add to that a BF who gets into all sorts of mishaps, and it's like a mantra now.
even something as simple as a late night food run, becomes an adventure.
we left his house in the sticks around 9pm. we flipped a coin between Sonic at 17 miles away or Jack in the Box at 16 miles away. not lying. Jack won.
now i don't live in the sticks. i live in the city. i don't see well in the dark and add to that not having a DAMNED clue where i was going, and we are already off to a good start. after many "your other lefts" and "NO TURN THERE!" and "baby, watch the speed limit cause it goes from 50 to 35 back to 60" we finally arrived at Jack. we opted to eat inside since we drove 7 hours to get there. when we got to the front, there was a girl chatting with 2 of the girls behind the counter. we took our time deciding what sort of fat girls we were going to be, so we were able to hear parts of the conversation in the interim. lots of "he said... she said" lots of "why you gotta get all up in my bidness" and as we were ordering it got even MORE heated and a fight was about to erupt. the girls took their drama to the back and we were able to order without someone getting yanked over the counter by her hair.
we ordered a metric fuckton of fat girl food and during our wait we were able to soak in our surroundings. mind you it was BALLS cold on Saturday night. there was a woman in there with no shoes or socks or jacket on. she looked pretty rough and was there with her crackhead boyfriend. and you could tell there was anger between them as they were leaving and she shot back some snide remark at him as she was walking out the door. there was a quiet hispanic family on the other side of the restaurant and us. we could STILL hear the girls fighting in the back of the kitchen and decided to take our food to go. while we were still waiting, another group of people came in. two guys and one girl. they were the oddest combination of people. and it was as if they were told, "dress nicely, but wear the STUPIDEST shoes you own" i am NOT lying. one guy was a buck-ten, soaking wet and was wearing a button down shirt, brownish tie, blazer, brown slacks, and dirty brown chuck taylor low tops. the other guy was wearing a blue button down with black slacks and black and white checkered skate punk shoes. BUT WAIT. the girl was the BEST! she was in a lovely lacy calf length black dress with a brown leather floor length leather (?) coat with a sheepskin lining and a fur collar. not sure exactly what KIND of fur, but fur. and for her footwear.... leather moccasin slippers with a fur lining as well. we think the fur may have been squirrel or perhaps chipmunk. they were HIDEOUS. we referred to her as Pocahontas.
in addition to all of the excitement, the restaurant had a thermostat set for "Flash Freeze" and it was entirely too cold. i thought about borrowing Pocahontas's coat.
we took our 11 pounds of artery clogging, ass fattening food, bid the jack farewell, and then drove back to the house.
of course with more, "honey, just let him pass you on the other sides" and "watch out for the drunk swerving guy" and a couple of "dang ole potholes, man"
we made it safely home. still an adventure. but not without amusement. never is.
even something as simple as a late night food run, becomes an adventure.
we left his house in the sticks around 9pm. we flipped a coin between Sonic at 17 miles away or Jack in the Box at 16 miles away. not lying. Jack won.
now i don't live in the sticks. i live in the city. i don't see well in the dark and add to that not having a DAMNED clue where i was going, and we are already off to a good start. after many "your other lefts" and "NO TURN THERE!" and "baby, watch the speed limit cause it goes from 50 to 35 back to 60" we finally arrived at Jack. we opted to eat inside since we drove 7 hours to get there. when we got to the front, there was a girl chatting with 2 of the girls behind the counter. we took our time deciding what sort of fat girls we were going to be, so we were able to hear parts of the conversation in the interim. lots of "he said... she said" lots of "why you gotta get all up in my bidness" and as we were ordering it got even MORE heated and a fight was about to erupt. the girls took their drama to the back and we were able to order without someone getting yanked over the counter by her hair.
we ordered a metric fuckton of fat girl food and during our wait we were able to soak in our surroundings. mind you it was BALLS cold on Saturday night. there was a woman in there with no shoes or socks or jacket on. she looked pretty rough and was there with her crackhead boyfriend. and you could tell there was anger between them as they were leaving and she shot back some snide remark at him as she was walking out the door. there was a quiet hispanic family on the other side of the restaurant and us. we could STILL hear the girls fighting in the back of the kitchen and decided to take our food to go. while we were still waiting, another group of people came in. two guys and one girl. they were the oddest combination of people. and it was as if they were told, "dress nicely, but wear the STUPIDEST shoes you own" i am NOT lying. one guy was a buck-ten, soaking wet and was wearing a button down shirt, brownish tie, blazer, brown slacks, and dirty brown chuck taylor low tops. the other guy was wearing a blue button down with black slacks and black and white checkered skate punk shoes. BUT WAIT. the girl was the BEST! she was in a lovely lacy calf length black dress with a brown leather floor length leather (?) coat with a sheepskin lining and a fur collar. not sure exactly what KIND of fur, but fur. and for her footwear.... leather moccasin slippers with a fur lining as well. we think the fur may have been squirrel or perhaps chipmunk. they were HIDEOUS. we referred to her as Pocahontas.
in addition to all of the excitement, the restaurant had a thermostat set for "Flash Freeze" and it was entirely too cold. i thought about borrowing Pocahontas's coat.
we took our 11 pounds of artery clogging, ass fattening food, bid the jack farewell, and then drove back to the house.
of course with more, "honey, just let him pass you on the other sides" and "watch out for the drunk swerving guy" and a couple of "dang ole potholes, man"
we made it safely home. still an adventure. but not without amusement. never is.
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